Read my short story and tell me how i should fix it, (I'm sure you'll love it)?

Well, that was sick, but thoroughly enjoyable, although, like others have said... more detail. and maybe change, 'The animals let out a roar of cheer', to just 'cheer', coz 'roar' and 'cheer' in that situation means the same thing. perhaps they let out a "something", (of your choosing) 'cheer'. i liked it all the same. a nice little piece that shows a lot of talent for story telling, because although there wasn't much description it still oddly felt complete. maybe children's books are your forte?