I have had several experiences and need advice?

as a child this was normal i lived next door to a graveyard but when i really paid attention to it was when my grandfather ped i was 8 years old,he came to me in my sleep and talked to me,the next mourning my mom wanted to tell me something,and well i told her before she got the chance,i used to wake up and see shadows in my doorway while i was in bed as a child,ive always heard people calling my name when i was alone,and heard like a thousand people talking at one time,i still see shadows out of the corner of my eyes and no ones there,im not scared of it,but i cant controll it it comes and goes when it wants,my husbands grandma ped and the day before she ped i was standing beside her bed,and i felt a tug on my shirt,no one was there,I knew she was gone before she died,i asked her if she had to go to leave feathers if she could,and that night i was sleeping and my husband was up and my little girl brought two feathers in my husband told her to get them out side,and the next mourning i told him what i asked grandma and he started crying he said our baby had two feathers,where i live we never see feathers,and its happened alot since she ped away the next mouring,one day i was sitting watching tv and heard someone shouting in my head,i thought i lost it,she was saying im on a high level ya 1 level to go she was on a level 10,she told me to write everything down and i did,then she told me to call her granddaughter,i said no shell think im crazy,and i kept asking for proof i wasnt loosing it,my husband called i told him about it as a non believer he didnt know what to think so i told grandma in my head give me one more sign if im not crazy and at that time my daughter came in with another feather i thought ok thats it,i told my husband and he freaked he got off the phone,then i called her granddaughter and she cryed there was thing i couldnt had known,and she described what it was like there so beauitful,how it looked and everything,but since then i can only feel them and since them sometimes i smell them,and sometimes i get a glimpse of them,ive had several death experiences two were as a child one i burned down my house at about 5 and i hid in the room that was on fire,well my mom saved me,but after the house burned to the ground the wall i was sitting against was the only one that didnt burn another was we went on a trip and i went to sleep in the back seat,i inhaled gas fumes that know one knew about and died,i had no heart beat no pulse,my grandma heard me gasping and started flipping,well they pulled me out of the car,and my step father was in the car in front of us and slapped me as hard as he could trying to wake me up,so he put me in his car and they tryed finding a hospital but before they could i woke up for no reason with a migraine,wow all i remembered was watching the whole thing from above i saw them slapping me,and flipping out,my grandma was the main one i was her baby,then we went home i never went to the hospital,my mom didnt take me,but im so confused i want to open it more i love it,and i feel so wonderful when i get to see or talk to them does anyone know why its only here and there and how to open it more to controll it,and i always wonder why all my death experiences i survived i know theres a reason but sometimes i feel like im going crazy please any advice